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WHEN I'M A MOTH: THE CHARACTER
AND DESTINY OF HILLARY CLINTON
by Thomas M. Sipos,
managing editor [October 30, 2021]
[HollywoodInvestigator.com]
In 1969, after graduating college but before law school, Hillary
Rodham spent part of her summer working in a fishery in Valdez,
Alaska. Little is known about this biographical blip in her life. Most
likely there is nothing interesting to know.
When I'm a
Moth fills in the blanks about Hillary's Alaskan summer.
Billing itself "an unbio pic" of Hillary Clinton, the film opens with
the statement: "What follows is a work of fiction. So is the
United States political situation. Any resemblance, in either fiction,
to real persons, living or dead, is coincidental."
When I'm a Moth opens with Hillary
(Addison Timlin) gutting fish. She looks out of place among her blue
collar colleagues, works poorly, and is berated in Japanese by her
supervisor. Feeling isolated, she strikes up an acquaintanceship with
Ryohei (T.J. Kayama) and Mitsuru (Toshiji Takeshima), two Japanese
fishermen she meets on her way to work. She later explains, "No
one talks to anybody at the plant, so, I'm under-stimulated."
Zachary Cotler's incisive script does an excellent job portraying
Hillary as she might have been at the cusp of adulthood, planning her
future. Already calculating, yet still retaining some of the idealism
and vulnerability of youth. Coolly impersonal, socially awkward,
uncertain how to relate to people and thus always proper and polite.
After telling the two fishermen of her ambition to be a politician,
she says, "I need to work on softening my personality, I think.
It's expected. But in the meantime I can say whatever comes to mind.
Especially with you two."
Ouch!
Mitsuru later complains that she uses language as a ko-wakizashi.
Small sword.
"Small sword," Hillary looks downcast. "Well, forgive me
then. I should practice not doing that."
Credit to Timlin for a nuanced performance. Her Hillary is sincerely
apologetic, yet simultaneously struggling to learn how to please
people for political gain. She talks incessantly about areas of her
personality that need improvement if she is to succeed in politics.
She worries that it's "unattractive" if she talks too much about
herself, or appears impatient or ambitious.
During a drinking session with the two men, Hillary says, "You
can't let people know you're ambitious. I suppose I'll have to pretend
I'm not. For decades if I have to. All the while, I'll collect
resources and people who are, you know, I've been researching into the
lives of people who came out of nowhere. I'll do whatever's
necessary."
"Do for what?" asks Mitsuru.
"For what? For my career. To liberate people. Create communal
trust. That is the goal, after all."
"Will you, will you kill someone?" asks Ryohei.
"Not personally, but I'd give the order."
"Steal?"
"Steal what? Money, no. Ideas, maybe. Take credit."
While Hillary pontificates, Mitsuru asks Ryohei in Japanese, "What is
she blah-blah-blahing about?" And also in Japanese, "She's isn't going
to sleep with either of us." Ignorant of human beings, Hillary assumes
the men are drinking with her because they care about her ideas.
Yet Hillary does have a brief affair with Ryohei, during which he
becomes her confessor. She bares her soul to him, at least to the
extent she's able. She's introspective, but struggles to understand
herself. She speaks freely because, she says, they don't know the same
people and he lives far away.
This should clue in Ryohei that Hillary has no intention of staying.
He is a pit stop on her life journey. Even so, Ryohei falls in love.
He pleads for Hillary to exchange her political ambitions for a life
as a fisherman's wife on his boat. She coolly dismisses him, as if his
proposal were childish and silly.
I felt that Hillary was at a crossroad in her life. That she faced a
choice of paths. She might have married Ryohei. Or she might have put
off Yale Law School and instead applied to the Iowa Writer's Workshop.
She seems intelligent, literate, opinionated, eager to change the
world -- the makings of a successful author of artsy literary novels.
Indeed, I sense her options were manifold.
Well, no. Cotler, and his Hillary, would disagree. Hillary says "I'm
on a predetermined path."
"Like a moth," says Ryohei.
Hillary agrees. Yes, just as a caterpillar is destined to be a moth,
Hillary is destined to be a politician. And just as a moth is destined
to fly into the light (it's in its nature), so Hillary will follow her
destiny into the light. She even dreams of staring into a lamp.
When I'm a Moth has a theme: Character is destiny. Hillary Rodham was
destined to become Hillary Clinton. She had no choices. No options.
Hillary says to Ryohei, "There probably is no such thing as freedom,
really. I guess you have no other choice except to find my actions
inexplicable. You know, Buddhists, Buddhists. Christians, Christians.
They're impossible to understand. ... My ambition is as total as a
monk's religion."
When I'm a Moth is a Greek tragedy. We watch a beautiful, young woman
whose fatal flaw -- hubristic ambition -- propels her like a moth to
the flame. She even plots her own destruction, knowing that she is
destroying herself.
"I'm going to sacrifice my private self," she tells Ryohei.
"It's
horrible. I think it must be horrible to not have privacy. ... Or
thoughts that aren't compromised. You know, innocent thoughts.
Thoughts of a private individual as opposed to thoughts of a truly
public person. You know, one who's crossed over. One who's become one
with the many."
Even now, her private self is slipping away. She sounds like she is
losing her soul, paying the price for her ambition. "I think I'm
telling you my own innermost thoughts. Or at least what I want to say,
before what I want ceases to be what I want, and becomes what the
average man believes the average man wants to hear."
Ryohei replies, "Maybe already it is the future. Maybe you already
don't have private thoughts."
That's no haphazard remark. When I'm a Moth is a beautiful, somber,
lyrical film, set amid the rugged wilderness of the Pacific Northwest.
And like Twin Peaks, it uses that region's majestic scenery to imbue
its tale with a brooding mysticism.
Hillary writes to her parents, "The moment I stepped off the plane, I
had something like a dizzy spell. So odd. Maybe how I imagined being
on drugs, or a tiny seizure, but too small to be alarming. And the
oddest thing was, I felt old. I don't mean twenty-one feels old. I
mean, I felt seventy, like time somehow was broken or bent."
Thus she is alarmed when Ryohei suggests that it is already the
future. Is it? If there is no freedom, and Hillary is on a
predetermined path, then in a sense, her future has already happened.
In stepping off the plane, did her current self overlap with her
future self, in some quantum entanglement or time warp?
"It's just a strange feeling that I've had my first few days in
Alaska," she tells Ryohei. "It's odd here. Feels like it could be 2020
or 1899."
Ryohei asks, "Why do you talk this way? ... So unhappy."
"Oh, I don't know. I don't talk this way. This isn't me at all. I'm in
a strange mood."
Well, if it's not her, then who is she? Has young Hillary merged, for
a few days, with her unhappy 2021 self? Embittered, angry,
disappointed, recalling her youth and wondering if it was all worth
it?
The film suggests that Hillary's future is set in stone. Character is
destiny. Yet I also felt as if Hillary were being given a second
chance. As with Ebeneezer Scrooge, but less explicitly, she was
afforded glimpses into a future that might yet be changed.
But by film's end she forecloses all options. She is on her
predetermined path. She tells Ryohei that she is no longer confused,
no longer in a strange mood. "I feel better. I figured out what was
bothering me."
What that was, she doesn't say. It remains for us a mystery. As she
said, she is inexplicable.
She stalks off, prim and proper, leaving Ryohei broken-hearted on the
dock.
The end credits roll over the thunder of missiles and bombs. Earlier
Hillary said, "Kissinger's a war criminal. It's unbelievable. I'd like
to spit in his face. I'll crush him if I get the chance. Make sure he
goes to prison." But the sounds of a rocket barrage remind us that
Hillary embraced the policies she once denounced. It's a powerful
ending.
As with many films, When I'm a Moth's trailer is misleading. It hints
the KKK and racist vigilantes play a prominent role in the film. But
while they are briefly mentioned, they never appear.
For another film inspired by Hillary Clinton, see my review for
Zipper.
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