LATEST CRIMEBUSTER ARSENAL --
BALLS, BUMPERSTICKERS, SHOPPING BAGS, AND SELF-ESTEEM!
by Hank Willow, staff reporter
[November 12, 2001]
[HollywoodInvestigator.com] Joe Friday has a new weapon
in his arsenal against crime -- supermarket shopping bags that instruct
criminals to just say no!
That's just one of the shocking new
weapons LAPD Chief Bernard Parks has enlisted in his cops' crimebuster
arsenal, according to an investigative report filed by a crack team of
Hollywood Investigator investigative reporters.
Other weapons include bumperstickers,
self-esteem promos, and toy rubber balls!
The rubber balls will be distributed
by LAPD's men and women in blue to L.A.'s troubled tots and sicko punks. The crimebuster toy rubber balls -- which are blue -- have been officially
designated as: "Blue Rubber Balls."
The message printed on the balls
is: "Know Peace ... No Violence."
According to the LAPD's official Program
Plan: "Toys such as these are continually handled, kept, shared with
others, and looked at by kids and teens. The message is constantly
'played with' and visible."
But the crimebusting "Blue Rubber
Balls" have powerful allies!
LAPD cops will also distribute posters
-- officially designated as Posters -- bearing the message: "Know Peace
... No Violence."
Troubled tots and sicko punks will
also get crimebuster bumperstickers -- officially designated as "Bumper
Stickers." According to the LAPD Program
Plan: "Sticker artwork will be done in the popular 'rock radio
station/tagging style' and combine the anti-violence message into the graphics."
The Program Plan is part of LAPD's Stop
The Violence Campaign urging moms and pops to buck up their tots' self-esteem,
because proud tots don't grow up to become crooked sicko punks.
Toothy LAPD Chief Parks is also
appearing on posterboards outside Vons grocery stores throughout L.A.,
advising moms and pops to buck up their tots' self-esteem -- part of Vons'
support for LAPD's Stop The Violence Campaign.
Paper grocery bags -- official designated
as Grocery Bags -- are another gutsy punch in the LAPD/Vons alliance against
sicko punks (see exclusive photo at top!). According to the Program
Plan: "Working in partnership with Von’s [sic] Grocery Chain, Stop
the Violence Campaign messages will be printed on the sides of paper grocery
bags used by the stores."
Los Angeles Councilwoman Linda
Lockwood is so punch proud of the Vons sponsorship, she's made it a
centerpiece of her official website listing her accomplishments.
Copyright 2001 by HollywoodInvestigator.com
Hank Willow is a Los Angeles based tabloid reporter who investigates Hollywood scams and Tinseltown's occult underbelly. Read about his adventures in tabloid journalism in Hollywood Witches
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