OSAMA SERVED COFFEE AND DONUTS
TO SECRET SERVICE, CIA, AND FBI FOR 3 YEARS -- AT A D.C. 7-ELEVEN --
AND WAS A MODEL EMPLOYEE!
by Hank Willow, staff reporter
[October 1, 2001]
[Hollywood Investigator.com] Sicko terrorist Osama bin Laden, the object of an international manhunt,
has spent the last 3 years working right under the noses of Secret Service,
FBI, and CIA agents -- pouring them Big Gulps at one of the intelligence
communities favorite watering holes, an elite D.C. 7-Eleven!
That's the shocking conclusion
of a crack team of Investigator investigative reporters, following an international
investigation by 1000s of Investigator investigative reporters scouring
the globe from the towering Himalayas, to the boiling sands of the Gobi
Desert, to the glittering lights of Paris and secretive Kremlin walls,
to the poisonous Amazon rainforests and unforgiving African veldt ...
"I was shocked when I saw that the
face on the FBI wanted poster was Ossie," said 7-Eleven manager and Langley
resident, Rupi Singh, who wished to remain anonymous.
"Ossie was a good employee.
Every G-man loved him. He cut extra big slabs of cherry pie, and
always discarded the pieces that hadn't sold after four months. It
is very sad, but I had to fire him for wasting food."
Shockingly, the FBI has not responded
to the Investigator's amazing findings, but a high-level deep background
source inside the Bureau, Special Agent Dale Cooper, who wished to remain
anonymous, said it'd been 10 years since he'd eaten such heavenly cherry
pie, or drank such a damn fine cup of Joe.
"It'd been 10 years since I'd eaten
such heavenly cherry pie, or drank such a damn fine cup of Joe," gushed
Cooper, who was recently re-assigned to the highly secret Tibetan field
office, two miles beyond the Nepalese border, NNW of Katmandu.
"Ossie was a wilely desert fox.
You trust a man who brews a damn fine Joe. Every cop knows that.
Ossie played on that weakness. His coffee was not like at Starbucks."
To demonstrate his shocking claim,
Cooper escorted a crack team of 41 undercover Investigator investigative
reporters to a Tse-Lieh Starbucks, one of only 53 in that tiny isolated
Because the Tse-Lieh Starbucks is
a favorite watering hole of the local Red Chinese, Mossad, MI6, CIA, and
Taliban intelligence communities, the crack Investigator undercover team
brought only their bare bones minimum of cameras, lenses, sound and video
recorders, jeeps, vans, SUVs, and DBS satellite trucks. [See the exclusive photo
The Tse-Lieh Starbucks was crowded
with goateed men and women in trenchcoats typing into laptops, but no sign
of Ossie. And shockingly -- they seemed more interested in
typing than drinking coffee!
"They come here to be seen writing
their memoirs and techno-thrillers," Cooper sighed. "And for that
cold invigorating Tibetan mountain air. But not for the Joe.
You won't find Ossie here. Nor the Dali Lama."
Hank Willow is a Los Angeles based tabloid reporter who investigates Hollywood scams and Tinseltown's occult underbelly. Read about his adventures in tabloid journalism in Hollywood Witches
Copyright 2001 by HollywoodInvestigator.com
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