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OSAMA SERVED COFFEE AND DONUTS TO SECRET SERVICE, CIA, AND FBI FOR 3 YEARS -- AT A D.C. 7-ELEVEN -- AND WAS A MODEL EMPLOYEE!

by Hank Willow, staff reporter  [October 1, 2001]

 

[Hollywood Investigator.com]  Sicko terrorist Osama bin Laden, the object of an international manhunt, has spent the last 3 years working right under the noses of Secret Service, FBI, and CIA agents -- pouring them Big Gulps at one of the intelligence communities favorite watering holes, an elite D.C. 7-Eleven!

That's the shocking conclusion of a crack team of Investigator investigative reporters, following an international investigation by 1000s of Investigator investigative reporters scouring the globe from the towering Himalayas, to the boiling sands of the Gobi Desert, to the glittering lights of Paris and secretive Kremlin walls, to the poisonous Amazon rainforests and unforgiving African veldt ...

"I was shocked when I saw that the face on the FBI wanted poster was Ossie," said 7-Eleven manager and Langley resident, Rupi Singh, who wished to remain anonymous.

"Ossie was a good employee.  Every G-man loved him.  He cut extra big slabs of cherry pie, and always discarded the pieces that hadn't sold after four months.  It is very sad, but I had to fire him for wasting food."

Shockingly, the FBI has not responded to the Investigator's amazing findings, but a high-level deep background source inside the Bureau, Special Agent Dale Cooper, who wished to remain anonymous, said it'd been 10 years since he'd eaten such heavenly cherry pie, or drank such a damn fine cup of Joe.

"It'd been 10 years since I'd eaten such heavenly cherry pie, or drank such a damn fine cup of Joe," gushed Cooper, who was recently re-assigned to the highly secret Tibetan field office, two miles beyond the Nepalese border, NNW of Katmandu.

"Ossie was a wilely desert fox.  You trust a man who brews a damn fine Joe.  Every cop knows that.  Ossie played on that weakness.  His coffee was not like at Starbucks."

To demonstrate his shocking claim, Cooper escorted a crack team of 41 undercover Investigator investigative reporters to a Tse-Lieh Starbucks, one of only 53 in that tiny isolated Tibetan hamlet.

Because the Tse-Lieh Starbucks is a favorite watering hole of the local Red Chinese, Mossad, MI6, CIA, and Taliban intelligence communities, the crack Investigator undercover team brought only their bare bones minimum of cameras, lenses, sound and video recorders, jeeps, vans, SUVs, and DBS satellite trucks.  [See the exclusive photo above!!!]

The Tse-Lieh Starbucks was crowded with goateed men and women in trenchcoats typing into laptops, but no sign of Ossie.  And shockingly -- they seemed more interested in typing than drinking coffee!

"They come here to be seen writing their memoirs and techno-thrillers," Cooper sighed.  "And for that cold invigorating Tibetan mountain air.  But not for the Joe.  You won't find Ossie here.  Nor the Dali Lama."

Hank Willow is a Los Angeles based tabloid reporter who investigates Hollywood scams and Tinseltown's occult underbelly.  Read about his adventures in tabloid journalism in Hollywood Witches.

Copyright 2001 by HollywoodInvestigator.com

 

 

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